I'm spamming now. I am well aware. But I am home alone. Matt is at home doing his photography project shooting, James is at home seeing his mum for like the second time since Christmas, and Nikki is being a miserable bitch and not coming out of her room, sitting on the phone to one of two boyfriends; maybe both. I decided, since you all read about my daily goings on, that I might as well give some background as to where I do my Livejournal magic (i.e. my desk), what I do read when I'm not on LJ, who else occupies my room, things I have collected, and things I study. When I decided to do this post (which I actually started taking the pictures for about 45 mins ago (from now 00:16) (check the clock on the pics), I was thinking that people might maybe ask about something they've seen, so as starting conversation, and also broadening both persons horizons. I don't think I have any chemists on my f-list, so y'all can see what you missed out on, not doing chemistry at university. I couldn't be arsed Photoshopping them. I'm not being graded on my pictures, so as long as they convey what I want them to, which is my "personal space" then I think I have done alright. I'll probably end up deleting this, as it's a little bit loserish, geeky, sad, pathetic and pointless. Anyway, I shall start with my room :-)  

Things could be getting better, but I'm not going to say yet incase I jinx it, or I am wrong. But I am happier, but in continued effort, I decided to share a few things with you. First of all, after a few requests by non-Finns, I will offer translations of my entry titles. I apologise to Finns if my actual Finnish, or my translation butchers/kills your language. Also I have posted some very random pictures. They are screencaps from Skins (an English teen-drama that although has no relevance to my life, I really enjoy!), I watched it (after buying the DVD today (hey!)), and this summer episode really warmed me. I haven't picked these pictures just because they are summery, but also because they make me feel warm inside: friendship, the sun, clouds, life. These pictures probably aren't even that special to anyone else, but I want to share them with you, because right now they are making me smile. And smiling is very important.

Haluaisitko tansia?- Do you want to dance?
Tunteet Metsästä - Forest Feelings (Feelings from the forest)
Ilotulituksen Alla, ja Aaltojen Peli - Under the fireworks and the play of the waves (Jeux des Vagues)
Tulipalon Lintu on Lumotussa Puutarhassa - The Firebird is in the Enchanted Garden
Ystävä on Yksi Sielu Kolmella Ruumiilla- A friend is one souls in three bodies
Minä otin puraisun taivasta, ja se oli sokerinen - I took a bite of the sky, and it tasted sugary
Revin perseesi irti ja syötän sen sinulle - I will tear off your arse and feed it you
Ne murskasivat ruusun, kun minä halusin haistella sitä - They crushed the rose, when [all] I wanted [was] to smell it 
Kun aurinko paistaa, taivas avautuu laulujen kanssa - When the sun shines, the skies open up with song

And my personal favourite, even if that sounds bigheaded:
Sinä päivänä aurinko paistoi niin kauniisti että sydäntä särkee - On that day, the sun shone so beautifully that your heart aches

And a Turkish one:
Edebiyen bizim arkadaşlığımız parlayacak - Our friendship will shine forever

Things are so totally shit at the minute. Uni is going tits-up, my friends are becoming less close to me, we're all separating next year, the library is trying to charge me £145 for late fees on books, and I owe my accommodation people £1040.25 for rent, before the end of July. Fuck. As for the library, I will have to try and negotiate with them soon, and uni will just have to take a back seat. I dunno how I am meant to earn £1000 before the end of July. Holy shit, I'm going to have to borrow money somehow. Fuck.

Anyway, I have two job interviews lined up next week, so hopefully money will start coming in soon. Perhaps I can say to my grandfather that if he can help me, I can pay him back with my wages. I don't wanna do that if I can help it though, cos I borrowed money last term for rent and he is also lending me money for my house next year. The money will come though. The university gives me £1000 in December (as compensation for charging me £3170 a year in tuition fees), and I also get a big chunk in September from whats left over of my student loan after my new, lower house rent goes out. Yay me for getting a house. Everything will work out, but it's the next couple of weeks that will be difficult. I'm going to have to go to the accommodation manager and tell him I can't pay him yet. He doesn't like me, so it isn't going to be easy to tell him this. Fuck fuck fuck. Why can't it be september now?

On top of it all, my mum told me she doesn't want to speak to me at the moment. Fuck x100.

This is Ezgihan. One of the few people I would jump under a train for. I know I bang on about how close my friends are to me, but Ezgi is in a completely different league. I had never had a friend a close as her. When I was a teenager, until I was 18, I still lived with my step-dad. He made my teenage years hell, because he wouldn't let me do anything. I was allowed to go out, but only until 10 o'clock, and most of my friends didn't come out until nine. Add to that the fact most of my friends lived a 20 walk away, (and a twenty minute walk back) gave me 20 minutes on average with my friends. I wasn't allowed to have friends over at my house, so as a result I wasn't happy to go to my friends houses because I would be unable to reciprocate. Because of all this, I never really had a 'best-friend' like you see on TV. When I came to university, I was very happy to find a girl in my corridor who loved food, French films, cheese, good music, and was also an insomniac. We forged a very strong friendship. It all started the saturday after we all moved in. Ezgi had moved in late, so she arrived with all her suitcases while we were having a party. We invited her to join, but we were playing twister, and she was put off, so she left.

Over the next few weeks, we would pass each other on campus or in our corridor and exchange pleasantries, but it wasn't until James left a wet sock at her door randomly one night that our friendship really boomed. She proceded to twat James with the sock and they were running up and down our corridor shouting and screaming. Afterwards, she joined me and James for a cigarette, then invited us to her room for Turkish coffee and fried halloumi. That was the point where we were first friends.

Since then, we have always been close enough to not have to do anything, we could just enjoy each others company. She left for Turkey a lot last year, and we always threw her going away and returning parties. We stayed at her houses in Bodrum and Istanbul over the summer, we are friends with her older sister (who is still at Nottingham University), but this year Ezgi has been in London. I found it very hard to adjust to this new distance, but I have accepted it over time, and now I realise, distance doesn't change how close I am to somebody. My best friend is still my best friend whether she is in Nottingham, or in London, or in Istanbul. I cannot deny difficulty though. Ezgi and I shared a bond that did not extend to James and Nikki. She was my sole confidante, as I was her sole confidant. We shared everything. We spent six or seven nights a week together. We went to the Turkish supermarket together. She practiced Turkish with me. I've lived in her house. We watched PowerTürk (Turkish equivalent of MTV) together. We always went into Nottingham together. And then she left. Where was my sex-less companion? We always joked about how she wants an English passport, not so she can move here, but just so she can come whenever she wants without needed a visa, so she asked if she could marry. I said yes, in half-serious. [It wouldn't be for several years, and if I am able, I may aswell, and also Turkey may have joined the EU by the time I graduate]. So we referred to each other with Turkish petnames.

At the minute she isn't speaking to me. I shouted at her over MSN because she asked Nikki to go and stay with her for a week next week. A) Where was my invite? and B) Why Nikki? Nikki never bothered with Ezgi last year. Whenever we actually managed to get her to come to Ezgi's room (rather than sit on the phone to one of two boyfriends), she would just sit there tutting at the fact we were smoking, and then go. Nikki came to Turkey with us, and because she was a girl, she stayed in Ezgi's room, and all of a sudden they were best friends. Ezgi was taking loads of pics of them together, yet had never asked me to be in one. I know I'm being really petty, but I just hate feeling overlooked. So, Ezgi invited Nikki, I stressed, and instantly felt bad and apologised, but she is still ignoring me. (I realise I had to go through a lot to explain why I'm feeling slightly less than perfect today, but it was necessary, and provides you with a window) I feel like I have stepped on myself and my own happiness.

I hope she remembers soon how much she means to me.

 

Once again, I had another totally fantastic weekend with Matt and his housemates. The fun started on Friday afternoon when I gave a presentation to my tutor to get me onto the MSci Medicinal Chemistry course, of which there are only 15 places, she said I was in the shortlist to be one of those 15, so that put me in a good mood. On the way back to my hall, I treated myself to a University of Nottingham hoodie the same as Ezgi's, even though I can't afford at the minute, but oh well. I applied for a new bank account this week so I can borrow more money and get rid of this account I have now because it is totally useless and strict. Anyway, Matt came and picked me up about half an hour later, and we went to his, or rather, he blindfolded me and took me to a restaurant. But I had no idea where I was going, so when I got out of the car, I still wasn't allowed to know where or whither I was going, so much so, that I walked into a big stone lampost, and some chavettes across the street laughed at me. So he had taken me to an Indian restaurant, which was so sweet of him, and we had both been craving a curry for ages. We chatted, we just enjoyed being there together. We went back to Matt's and hung with Sam the legend for a bit. We went to the minimarket for some mixers and cakes and treats and things, and we just hung out.

The next day, Matt and I went into Nottingham city centre to try and find a presentation portfolio for his summer university project. While we were there, we found the YoSushi! Nottingham, so he took me, I was going to pay (despite my lack of money), but he paid for that aswell! He is too nice. He also really impressed me by trying some of the more 'bizarre' sushi. He is an angel. Later on, when we got back to Matt's house, Sam had come back from work, and they had called a meeting for their next year housemates. (There are nine of them in the current house, but as soon as they all moved in, they decided they all hate each other, so there are now three distinct groups of housemates, but next year Matt, Sam, Niki and Alex are moving into a 4bed house, thats like 10minute walk from me!). The house-meeting was because Alex (who I've never really got on with) can't live with them anymore, so Sam, Niki and Matt had to decide whether they wanted to pay a little more rent and have a spare room, or find a new housemate. They opted for the latter, so next year is going to be mucho fun. Anyway, after the meeting, we planned our evening. We had decided to just sit in the garden in the heat and have a couple of drinks. Matt and I were getting in the car to go buy alcohol, and Sam had come outside with us to move her car, when I had a brainwave. We could have a BBQ on one of those disposable barbeques that are like £2. We loved the idea. We did it. But by the time we got back, it was nine-o'clock. Fuck that. We were gonna party anyway. We got the coals burning with the aid of Ginge, Nikis boyfriend who had shown up while Matt and I were out. Tables and chairs were brought out, alcohol consumed, cigarettes smoked, good times had. We were up til about three, abusing Matt's disliked housemates. All but one of the disliked ones were out until about half one, but one, Jasmine, was in all night. She is quite wierd, and none of us have anything against her personally, but we all relished in shouting "JASMINE MUHAHA" as in Nemo, every couple of minutes upto her window. Then Chloë came back with Tanya (Matt's most despised housemates), and Jasmine Muhaha changed to "ORANGE-GIRLS MUHAHA". When we weren't abusing the housemates, neighbours (they kept appearing naked at their windows) ourselves or each others friends, we were getting rat-arsed. I remember Sam's impression of her pouty self-obsessed friend McGov, who is larger-framed shall we say, and called herself "delicate". That night was fucking top.

So we woke up the next day. Matt and I had been waking up for 5 minutes at a time since about seven o'clock. Embarasingly, Sam shouted upto us at about 12 saying I should come outside with them all, but I told her I was with Matt who didn't feel well. She told me Matt was outside. I went outside to see all of them there, including Lucie and her boyfriend, Matt Glynn, who we all get on with, but was out last night. It was very nice of Matt to wake me up when he came down. I just made a joke about being embarassed, and they laughed, so I could avoid blushing. Matt was terribly hungover, so we spent most of the day dossing and napping (including an hour or so at the pub drinking coke in the sun) until we eventually left for Matt to take me home about six o'clock. Me, Sam and Matt had a McDonalds and commented on the fact that the UK this weekend has been 10°C hotter than Ibiza. The drive to mine was accompanied by more chants of Jasmine Muhaha. Quality. 

I can't wait for next year now. My prospective housemates seem like we will get along fine. New friends, new course, new house, new life. My time with Matt, Sam, Nikki and Unamed (who Sam called Jude for now (long story)) will be amazing cos they have a lovely new house, and no scruffy tramps to mess it up. I want it to be September now, then I can spend a weekend buying furniture from IKEA, putting pictures on the walls of my new bedroom, putting food in my new cupboards, feeling excited about Finland and my 21st party, buying textbooks for my new course. This summer is going to drag; I can feel it now.

Today was really warm and sunny, and I bought my ticket for the University of Nottingham summer party. The weather made me think of last summer, when Ezgi was still with us, and we used to go out into the sun with couscous, halloumi, feta, olive oil and chilli oil, and just sit in the sun and enjoy each others company. But those days are gone. I've spent today running around campus helping Nikki hand in her final essays, but she didn't appreciate the help I gave her, so I've spent my evening alone thinking about my room next year that I will finally be able to make "mine", rather than a pre-fab room. Anyway, I put all my thoughts into yesterdays post, so I will just leave my Turkish friends with a story; my favourite story from the book 365 Gece Masalı, and this story reminds me of Ezgi.

Dünyanın en iyi Arkadaşları
Bir akşam hava kararıken Sasa, beyaz fare Fafa ile karşılaştı. Sasa, hayretle, "İnanılır gibi değil, sen bana ne kadar benziyorsun!" dedi.
"Eğer benim gibi kanatların olsaydı tıpkı ikiz gibi olacaktık!" Fafa çok sevindi. Bir aile sıcaklığı hissetmişti. İki arkadaş uzun süre çene çaldılar. Ama Fafa artık esnemeye başladı.
"Uhhh, epey geç olmuş, haydi gidip yatalım," diye teklif etti. Sasa ise, "Ama gün daha yeni başlıyor. Hava biraz önce karardı," dedi. İki arkadaş şaşkına döndüler: Biri gece uyuyordu, diğeri gündüz! Sasa, "Gel benim inime," diye teklif etti. "Benim yanıma yerleş."
"Ama ben senin gibi baş aşağı yatamam ki!"
"Merak etme, minik fare, bir kayanın kovuğunda uyursun. Her sabah ve her akşam birbirimiz görüp az da olsa sohbet edebiliriz."
Fafa, "Harika!" diye bağırdı. "Dünyanın en iyi arkadaşları biz olacağız!"

So I actually had a decent weekend for once. I'm truly amazed. Friday lunchtime James and I got the train down to London to see our best friend Ezgi. We were already both annoyed and resolute with this trip; because she had told us earlier in the week that she had to leave for Turkey early Saturday morning, so would only have Friday with us, but this made us resolute to make Friday super enjoyable. As we were on the train down, Ezgi text me saying she had been sent home from uni because she was sick, which kind of upset James and I because we had gone to great lengths to get her a decent present and to get Matt and Nikki to write in her card and everything. So, we decided to stay resolute. We got of the train, hurried over to a Boots on Oxford Street, printed a big picture of me, Nikki, James and Ezgi to put in with her card, and headed off to Elephant and Castle. It was well worth being resolute. Although she answered and looked quite worse for wear, within five minutes of our being there, she perked up. She loved her present, which was a University of Nottingham hoodie, incidentally, as a reminder of her year there, with us.

So we hung around for a bit, and had a very quick catch up, had a smoke altogether and a cup of Earl Grey, and set off into town for some food. We went and hung around on St. Christophers Place for ratatouille and cream cheese pancakes. We smoked, we talked, we caught up, we bitched about Nikki, and we spoke of our love lives. We then moved around the square to get Türk Kahvesi. We stayed for a bit, and did nothing much more than talk shit for a while and laugh ourselves stupid. We left, and ambled our way back onto Oxford St and then onto the area around Bank-Monument, where we again, wandered for a bit, and decided to buy some alcohol. Want to see us on the elevator at Bond St. Station? Yes? We bought some, and went back to Ezgi's. We helped her pack, smoked, and then convinced her to have some of the Bacardi (omg what were we thinking!?) with us. About an hour later, when we were all smoking and giggling over nothing more than our old flatmate Tess, Ezgi pulled out some Tequila, chilled, and a plate of sliced limes. An hour of drinking games later that both entertained and provided nostalgia, Ezgi pulled out. James and I ended up doing about 5 more each over the space of the next one-and-a-bit hours. At this point it was about 2h00am. Ezgi's taxi to the airport would arrive at 4h00am, so we didn't have much longer to wait. I was absolutely wasted. I drink quite often, but it's rare that I get totally ratted. I was flying all over the place, talking utter bollocks in the taxi, and telling Ezgi that I wanted to stowaway in her suitcase. We waited, and went to Heathrow, where we had a simple goodbye, as Ezgi boarded her 06h55 plane. James and I caught the first tube back, and I admired the station architecture at Osterley and wished it was still called Spring Gardens (which I think sounds much nicer).

James and I arrived back at Ezgis and slept. I woke up at about 1am, bored. I decided to go into the city. James is a sleeper, so I woke him just to tell him I was going. I went and wandered around. I know London like the back of my hand, so I didn't really need to concentrate where I was going, I just looked to see where I would like to walk. James caught up with me a couple of hours later, and we ate. We went back to Ezgi's later and tidied up. She should be back today. We got our train back to Nottingham at 21h35. James upgraded us to First Class, and we were the only people in our carriage. It was so nice to have things like they used to be, when Ezgi and I lived on the same corridor, and she, James and I would be up until all hours eating, smoking, drinking, and actually enjoying each others company, rather than this really formal, stoic atmosphere there is whenever Nikki, James, I (and sometimes Matt) are hanging out. James and Nikki have become so unsociable, no offence to them. The other day, when we all walked onto campus together was the second time all year (since September) we have done so. And the three of us have only been to Nottingham as a three, once.

I woke up on Sunday planning to have a nice relaxing afternoon of revision, then would see Matt in the evening. No. Matt phoned me at about one to ask if I was busy, I said no (Procrastination!) and we went to Skegness with his housemates Sam and Niki. What a laugh. A two hour singsongy journey, followed by a walk along the sea front, warm donuts, candy floss, an hour in an amusement arcade (including beating Matt on the Dance Machine!), an hour or so in a pub eating nuts and getting drunk, and fish and chips on the pier.



Whilst we were walking around, we had a couple of goes on those old time games like hitting the ducks, water in a clowns mouth that sort of stuff, and Matt won me a Coca-Cola bear on the Arabian Derby, where me, him and Sam had to roll balls up a slope through different coloured holes to move camels along a track. The different colours moved the camels different distances. Matt won, and had to ask for his prize in sign-language because the stall owner was deaf. Here is us playing. And here is my Coca-Cola bear, which Matt named Cocoa.
 
 

We ended up back in Nottingham just after midnight. Our ride back consisted of very loud crooners, followed by heavy dance music, then Sam needing to piss so badly, that we tried to get into a Travelodge, which was locked, and then Sam and I snook into an accident and emergency department while Matt and Niki waited in the car, only to end up at the entrance to the resucitation room, and asked by a very haughty nurse what we were doing. Sam is an absolute legend. Whenever we are all together, I laugh so hard. One point I really laughed, was walking along the sea front in Skegness, and some really freaky looking woman walked past; she was wearing what looked to be oversized babies clothes - her shirt said 'Daddy's Little Princess'. She smacked her husband around the back of the head, and made a horrible groaning sound. We called her Fat Donna. Sam and I exchanged looks and laughed. Excluding my train tickets to London, I spent £25 there and £11 in Skegness, so £36 for one of the best weekends of my life? Bargain. 

The weather at the minute is absolutely dogshit. Right after I posted the other day, the weather went from nice and a bit sunny, with only a few white clouds, and out of nowhere came a couple of sparce light grey clouds. But the clouds began to grow, and become more grey. Soon, I was being tormented by the angry groans of the sky, and bombarded with flashing blue lights. Then it started. The rain. We had 30mm of rain that day. It was running down the road practically like a rivulet. The constant barrage of droplets on my window that seemed as if it were pretty insistent on coming through to wetten me. 

I am back home in Manchester at the minute.  Matt brought me home yesterday lunch time.. It was almost like fate. Matt has had to come home for two days to do some photography work with a relative, and since my town is on his way home (practically) I came home. When Matt and I were only 10 minutes from my town, I surreptitiously phoned my auntie to see if she was in, and I would surprise her (because I don't get to come home very often), as it was about three o'clock yesterday, and my mum wouldn't be home until six. But when I phoned, my mum answered, but the line was funny and it died. She phoned back, and I made the excuse that I just wanted to say "hi" on the phone. As it transpired, my grandmother was also there. So that worked out really well. I'm going back to my aunties in a bit to see one of my cousins, then Matt should be getting to mine around six to go back to Nottingham, but unfortunately, thats just about when my mum gets in from work, so I think the time we spent together last night will be our last for a good few weeks.

But I'm very excited about going to London on Friday, even if Ezgi will not be with us on Saturday. I think James and I will pull an all nighter with her, she can sleep on the plane, and we can take it easy for the rest of the day before our 21h30 train home. Oh god. Why does she have to go back. *sigh* First time we get to properly see her in months and her friend in Turkey has a car accident meaning Ezgi has to go and see her. Oh well, at least she is coming to our uni's summer party and will be coming up before then too for a weekend! :-) Things are gonna be great over the next few months. A day trip to Edinburgh, The Summer Party (which reminds me that I need to buy my ticket!), weekends with Ezgi, hopefully a trip to Hull if I can afford it, and then re-uniting with my Manchester friends when we all come back from university. Good times.

I need a job though before I can do anything. I'm going to speak to a family friend soon see if he has any temp work over summer like he did last. I'm still waiting to hear from Waterstones, and I also want to speak to my old job and tell them to either give me some work or get stuffed. After my heart troubles in January, they refused to give me shifts. That was so long ago. It's nearly May.

I'm hoping to make this summer a lot more memorable than the last.

PS: Esa-Pekka Salonen is coming to Manchester to conduct Gambit and Der Feuervogel! [dies]. And I laughed at the TV last night when a TV presenter pronounced Paavo Järvi's name as if it were Pavu Jervi.

When I was little, my mother would read me a bed-time story. A lot of them were the normal tales British kids get told, like King Arthur and the Lady of the Lake, others left a much bigger impression on me. My mother used to tell me a story about a forest sprite, that in my head looked like a cross between a garden gnome and the goblin from the Sprite adverts, who used to go around the forest collecting mushrooms and toadstools. Every morning when the sun began to shine, its rays would shine through the gaps in the trees, illuminating small pollen fragments that hung lazily on the scented air. No sound but for the ethereal strumming of tree leaves in the light breeze, and the occasional melodic fragment from a song bird, and the sound of dew as it ran off the rocks and collected into a little stream. The golden light that moved behind the tree trunks getting ever higher until the light shone down on the sleeping forest sprite. The sprite would go about his daily activities, and then, from his hole halfway up the biggest tree in the forest, he would lie on his front, with his head in his hands, and watch the snowflakes fall and land silently, packing together like cotton wool, and shining with some celestial glistening that didn't seem to fade. Each flake fell, and the more they fell, the more they each sounded like a little bell.

I know it doesn't make sense, having snow and sun in the same season, but as I child I was enthralled. My mothers descriptions were always so vivid, I couldn't help being transported there. We had a TV show called The Animals of Farthing Wood when I was a kid, and these stories, alongside those of my mother seemed to root me into a forest fascination. Whenever I saw the show, or was in bed listening to my mums stories, for some reason I always pictured them as being in Sweden, or more than likely Finland - the image in my mind of some untouched Finnish forest (or an urskogen, Siiri!) in the summer, sunshine, activity etc. So when Matt asked me why, out of all the places on Earth I want to go to Finland. I tried to explain this to him, but he got bored of listening and looked at cars for sale on the internet. It must be hard for Matt to understand because his idea of a good holiday, is one where he gets a tan and does nothing. I'm all for going away to relax, but I would go out of my mind if I didn't have new locals to meet, a couple of phrases of a new language to learn (although, knowing me, I would probably try to learn it!), new sights to see etc. 

Anyway, I speak of all this, because I stumbled upon Moomins on YouTube the other day. Not the Japanese cartoon, the actual Finnish/Swedish puppet one, that Tove herself was a central figure for. The sight of Little My warmed my heart again, as Moomins was quintessentially my youth. However, the particular episode I watched - The Lady of the Cold - only hastened my opinion that Scandinavians have messed up ideas about a lot of things. Watch it yourself if you have time, its only five minutes long, but I found it quite disturbing now, and I'm 20. Fuck knows what it must have done to younger kids. Although, I remember that purple monster thing in the anime version giving me nightmares for literally years. 

I wanted to post about my favourite books, and how I wish it was summer, so I could go sit in field and read Latin poems about summer, where women are compared to juicy apples, the the main joy is in the food. Then eating bread and cheese and drinking wine by moonlight. And also about cute boys on British TV,  but I've gone on long enough, too many pictures is distracting, and Matt will be here soon. I'll probably end up editing this, because I'm buzzing off coke right now, and this whole post has been pointless. As if you all want to know what my boyfriend and I think of our country.

Matt and I had a very long talk today about The Queen, Matt being a royalist and all, and me being against The Queen as a position, rather than anything against the woman herself. But Matt got me thinking. Our national anthem is just totally dull, torpid, and lifeless. Why can't we have something actually stirring and furiously patriotic like the Turkish İstiklâl Marşı (The Indipendence March), who opens with a tremendous brass fanfare, and begins with the verse:

I find it so utterly heart-wrenching to see such valiant patriotism. When I was in Turkey, all I saw anywhere were Turkish flags flying. Here at home, I only see one flag per town flying on the town hall. It annoys Matt that people don't want to be patriotic; but I can't blame them - What do they have to be patriotic about? A small little island cought between the Atlantic and the North Sea, with one of the highest crime rates, death rates, child birth rates and poverty rates in the EU. Anyway, as I said, Matt sparked converstion, and although The Queen's position as ruler and monarch is now defunct (she still has a lot to do, and a lot of responsibilities such as opening Parliament and stuff), and the countless horrors and atrocities my country has done in the past *cough* the slave trade *cough*, I suddenly had a great surge of pride when I saw this.

You tell me it isn't stunning, and fantastic to look at. Because at college I did chemistry, biology, physics and french, and University I do chemistry and hebrew, I haven't really delved intro British history since ninth grade. But seeing the coat of arms brought it all back to me: Richard Lionheart, King Arthur, The Age of Chivalry, the days where we owned most of France, the fact being we were the worlds most powerful country for a long time. Although England has so much to be ashamed of, and is in a pretty big mess right now, we rule. We rule so fucking hard. 

This is what I should be doing: (stupid Organic Chemistry (I love it really!)) and here is what I am actually doing: a book called 365 Gece Masali - 365 bedtime stories, all less than 4 paragraphs, and in really easy Turkish. I wonder if there is anything similiar I will be able to get in Finland!. Anyway, you can see that I'm not doing what I should be. Exams are looming and I set this weekend aside to do studying, yet find myself drawn to the wrong books. Today has been so grey and miserable; I am quite surprised that it hasn't rained. My sky at the minute is pale bluey-grey, with a smattering of those clouds that look like the top of a lake. There is a faint orange tinge as near to the horizon as I can see. I can't wait for summer.

I was getting quite frustrated last night. I was scouting hotel/hostel prices in Helsinki last night, just to feed my curiosity. I found a decent hostel thats nice enough, and not too pricey. Anyway, on the hostels website were links to other Helsinkiania. One such link was Stockmann-Akateeminen Kirjakauppa. I got browsing to see what heaven looks like, and saw a copy of Tuntematon Sotilas and Täällä Pohjen Tähden Alla in English! I decided to buy, seeing as how I've been dying to read them both since I heard of them a couple years back. And although there was delivery to the UK, some error in Finnish kept coming up, that no dictionary nor translator could translate. I'll just have to wait until I am there myself... It seems so long away.

I forgot to share my annoyance from the other day aswell. I was 'whoring' myself out in another community (Hey, I'm just networking, don't judge), and I mentioned Matt in my introduction, not by name, but by saying "I have a great boyfriend". Some guy posted: "Boyfriend? Are you a girl?", as you can see here. As you can imagine, I wasn't best pleased, but I was as sarcastic and bitchy as the moderators would allow. I felt better after that. 

I have nothing much to share really - this weekend is going to suck. But I am looking forward to going to London on Friday to see Ezgi. At long last, a time when it is just me, James, and Ezgi. Just like old times. Also, did anyone notice my journal and friends page now have titles? They've never had ones before, and I could never decide what to call my journal, until I found the old Finnish proverb you see above. I think it quite accurately describes my feelings on life since I started my journal (unless I got the wrong end of the stick), which in recent months has much more of a positive tone. 

I can hear fireworks going off somewhere nearby. They are getting louder. 

Among the scenes which are deeply impressed on my mind, none exceed in sublimity the primeval forests undefaced by the hand of man. No one can stand in these solitudes unmoved, and not feel that there is more in man than the mere breath of his body.


OK, so it was the first proper summery day today. I slept with my window open last night, and I woke up to the smell of sap and pollen. By mid-day, my whole room was streaming with sunlight and was filled with a flowery perfume. There aren't that many flowers near me, so Lord knows where the floral fragrance came from, but it was nice. I spent my afternoon lazily doing Finnish exercises in my 'textbook'. There are some really dodgy examples in this book like:

They don't seem dodgy, but they just don't sit right with my English ears. Anyway, that was my afternoon sorted, getting ever so closer to finally grasping the entire Finnish case system. Anyway, I went for a walk around my University campus today. I've added two of my favourite pictures, just cos I want to show you what a nice day it was. It was, however, quite cold, so I am looking forward to the days where I can lie on the grass with my friends, look up at the clouds, talk about pesky and annoying lecturers, and dream our summer away. 

I would have had loads of nice pictures because the tress are starting to bloom, shards of pollen float on shafts of light that edges its way between the tree trunks, the other colours are coming out to play. But round here, you look wierd if you're not taking a picture of yours and your mates foreheads inside a nightclub. I was taking the first picture, when some random Lithuanian girl who is on my friends course stopped by and asked why I was taking pictures of "no clouds". The pictures are, in any case, the lake on my university campus. It's been said 'round these parts that we have one of the nicest campuses in the country. I'd like to think so :-)

 
 

One thing I have realised though, is that my rent next year is £975 for the first term, wheras this year it was £1635 (bit of a difference there!), which means I am 100% going to Helsinki the first weekend after my 21st (which will be mid-October because of stupid uni). Theres no reason for me not to go. Akateeminen Kirjakauppa here I come! 

I'm so happy! My Finnish: An Essential Grammar arrived the other day - I would have posted sooner, but Matt was staying at mine meaning I couldn't post. Anyway, what a godsend. Last week, when I ordered it off Amazon, was when I decided to step up my Finnish, and I couldn't do that without a grammar. What a fantastic book. Beautiful to look at and read. I think I would marry this book if it was legal. One problem I have though, is living in the UK. Bookshops here seem to only cater for the popular languages: Chinese, French, German, Italian, Polish, Russian and Spanish, which means it is very difficult to find anything on Finnish (or Hungarian or Turkish for that matter). Sooo! Now I have a Finnish course and reference grammar - I need a dictionary. It would be absolutely impossible to find a Finnish dictionary in shops (with the exception of travellers ones which are of no use to me) and the only dictionaries I can find on Amazon have really bad reviews and/or are dead expensive. Whiiiich leads me onto my next point...

Helsinki! I made the decision the other day that I will go during the summer (probably August). I have to go. I might ask my Grandad if he will take me for my birthday, haha. I lie awake at night and hear her calling me: "Tom... Tom... Lähtisitkö kanssani ulos tänä iltana?". Sigh. It would cost me maybe about £150 to go for two nights, including accomodation. Even if Matt or anyone else don't want to come with me - I am going. There's so much yet to see, and I'm gonna make sure Helsinki is one of the first to be crossed off my list, meaning that I have more opportunities to go back to Finland and see places like Rovaniemi and Lapland. It makes me laugh though, because my Finnish book says "The Finns are excellent dictionary makers, so if you ever go to Helsinki you are in luck". Can you see where I'm going with this? :-)

Anyway, closer to home, my house for the next academic year! It's all sorted on paper, the room in the house is mine. There have been no financial interactions between me and the landlord (which is one of the girls mothers), but the room is mine. Remember how my flatmate decided he didnt want to live with me? Well I'll tell you the whole story. Basically, after Christmas, we decided that we definately definately wanted to live together, and rather than just talking about it, like we had been before Christmas, we were going to take positive steps to finding somewhere. We also got the interest of our Turkish friend Özge, who wanted to live with us. We found the most amazing three bedroomed flat, but Özge needed to back out, so James and I had to aswell. This seemed to deterr James, who didn't look for anywhere else. I would say to him "If you don't want to look for places to live, let me!" to which he would reply: "No no no! I'll do it!". But I had a look on the sly anyway, and found a few places. But then he turns around one day and told me that our friendship had run it's course, we needed to make new friends, that things had become really stale and perfunctory between me him and Nikki, and that it was time to move on. I wouldn't have minded if he told me this sooner, as I could tell that he had been waiting ages to tell me, and also because it would have meant I had a better choice of places to live. But no. He tells me in April. At least I have somewhere to live now, which is more than him. He said two of his coursemates had a place to live, but thats fallen through and as such they have nowhere. I'll be going into a new 5bed house, all girls, but three are moving out. Left, will be an Italian girl whose mother is the landlord, and her BFF Rozzy. They seem to be inseparable. I'll have a large room and a bay window :-) In the future, you will be hearing much about this house, and the people in it.

I've noticed my posts are always really long - does this bother people? I'll try and cut-down, but I just feel like theres no where else I can ramble on about such things, 'cos my mates said it was boring if I tell them I want to go places and do things. But I think my friends are bland and Anglo-Centric. The Bastards. 

 

By the way Finns, what the fuck is with the Partitive (Partitiivi) Case? It's currently making me want to put bamboo under my fingernails :-)

OK, I was meant to be going to look at this house-share this afternoon, and the girl messaged me on FaceBook at one to tell me she has a fever and that I should go and view it tomorrow. Don't get me wrong, she was very polite about it, and I wouldn't expect somebody to have a stranger wandering their house when they are ill. But I really feel like my luck is running out. Theres only a couple more weeks of term, thus only a couple more weeks to find somewhere. Curse James for dropping me into this mess. He will live to regret this. Mark my words.

Anyway, I'm just looking for more flatshares while I wait for Matt to arrive. We have an afternoon of chores ahead of us: food shopping, laundry, cleaning, eating, then making a mess of everything we spent all afternoon cleaning. Its a hard life.

Revision is driving me mad. But I'm finding new ways to avoid it everyday. The other day I was e-mailed an advert from a Finnish family (more-than-likely in error) asking for me to be an Au Pair from September 08 - June 09. I would have jumped at the chance, but I cant take a year out this year, it would have to be next. But it gave me the brainwave of maybe working over the Summer in Finland or Turkey. I did a search around - and there are LOADS of Finnish families who want au pairs, but they want girls. Why is that? I'm more than capable of looking after children... I looked after all my cousins for 15 years!! Grr, anyway, well hopefully there will be an opportunity for me to shine soon. God I hope there is.

I'm going looking at a house for university next year on saturday. I now have to live with strangers because my friend decided he did not want to live with me anymore. So I'm going to go meet them, and I'm sure they will find reason to tell me I cannot live with them. And I will have no where to live. Interestingly, my friends have all sided with me, saying that the friend who abandoned me is a cunt. I'll explain tomorrow, or later if I can be arsed. But this guy is now all like "I think our friendship has run it's course." Prick.

I just looked at the picture I posted yesterday... man, I look fucking rough!

I'm a geek. I know I am. Student Loans came in the other day, and I was totally psyched, 'cos I went into Waterstones (a big book shop you non-Brits :-D), and saw the Routlege Hungarian Comprehensive Grammar, which I was browsing on Amazon for ages!! And they had it... and about £10 cheaper! And I got home and excitedly started reading through it (I've had a penchant for Hungarian for a long time), and thought: "I have no desire to actually be able to speak Hungarian... Am I that much of a language dork that I get excited about grammar books?" And in my head was the reply... "Yes."

Even if I am a geek though, why is that a problem? My main fascination is language, but I have other interests. I like reading about history, and politics, religion and culture. I am very proud that I am a bibliophile at heart. There is so many fascinating things in this world, and until I can see them all, I want to read about them. Last year I was learning about Developmental Biology, which is basically how you go from sperm and egg, to a whole creature with a brain, and organs, and is alive. That was perhaps, to this date, the single most fascinating thing I have ever learnt about, that, and a similiarly related subject of the way DNA and RNA work, which is truly something to marvel at. I have plans to go and see all the amazing sights in this world, to meet the amazing people who inhabit this world, learn (at least some) the amazing methods of communication, listen to the music of the world, eat the foods of the world. The last three I can claim to be well on my way to doing. ((You should see the shit on my iPod - Finnish Death Metal, to Turkish soul to Icelandic versions of the Rocky Horror Show, and even a couple of Hebrew Bible Cantillations!

Anyway, so yeah, I bought this book, which is totally amazing. ((The Finnish one is more expensive, but I like the Hungarian one, and they are from the same series, so I ordered the Finnish one!!)) I also bought a new pair of dark jeans, which I wouldn't have thought would have suited me, but they suit me better than any other pair of jeans I have ever owned. They also fit the best too! I also bought the T-Shirt and jumper in the picture. I look all grown up all of a sudden. It's wierd. I never realised how young I looked until this new outfit actually made me look close to 20.  But it doesn't stop there. I was in the Oxfam book shop, and they had suddenly got loads of really cool books. I just had to treat myself to a couple and got a book on Phonetics and a couple on Shorthand, because I decided that if I can at least learn the basics of Shorthand, I will be able to take better notes in lectures, and not keep missing the end off Powerpoint slides, or I would actually be able to take down everything the lecturer is saying. I'm one of the few that actually takes notes. Most of them, them being my classmates, just sit there with their handouts, not realising that the handouts are an outline, and are not sufficient to actually learn from. Their problem is compounded by the fact that they merely put said handouts in their folders and forget about them until revision time. How do they learn? I take notes, then spend hours writing them up into my notebook, making everything simple, adding cross-references, colour coding, fantastic diagrams (if i may say so myself), all so my life is easier when it is revision time. I laughed though, in the January exams, casually revising in the library, when this girl in the year above me walked haughtily by my table with armfuls of lecture notes, and had to keep going through them until she found the specific ones she was looking for. I suppose the - not necessarily anger, more like... exasperation on their behalf - will be repaid when I see them struggling in a couple of weeks.

Incidentally, I bought the Phonetics book, because I am a science student, and as such do not receive language tuition. And the English school system is too useless to teach is proper linguistics like Phonetics, Syntax and Morphology neither of our own language, nor the languages we learn in school. I had to sit there in French (Most English schools only do French and German, some upper class schools do Spanish and Italian) for 7 years learning how to order food, stay in a hotel etc. when all I wanted to do was read Balzac or Colette in the original. Fucking English schools. I hate this dump of a country. Anyway, in mock-continuation, I was reading somebody's journal the otherday, and they made the same comments I just made. French kids learn French grammar at school, Finnish kids learn Finnish grammar at school. Why don't we? It's no wonder English kids are getting stupider and stupider.

To make matters worse personally, my hebrew lecturer laughed at me the other day because I was asking about the connection between some elements of Hebrew grammar and Arabic, both being Semitic languages. He told me I "need to get out more". Is it just me, or shouldn't lecturers be happy that people enjoy what they are teaching? And to make matters worse nationally, our education system is being replaced, kidnapped, scrapped, raped, sieged - call it what you will. Basically it is all being dumbed down. For those who are interested, I have summarised the changes in a diagram. There is talk among the common people that it is because too many kids aren't passing their GCSE's, so by dumbing it down, more kids will pass, which is so FUCKING messed up. It takes all self pride out of the amount of work I, and others around me have done to get the grades we deserved. UGH!

I'm already at university, so my hard work is almost over. Soon I will be out working and in the thrust of life. That's a scary thought. But before all that though, I'm currently planning a semester or two abroad. Most likely Finland or Turkey. Not many British people will want to go there because of the linguistic barriers, so I feel that should make getting a place on a course over there easier. I can't believe how much Helsingin Yliopisto is to get into! Oh my God, I'm probably gonna have to go to Rovaniemi or Turku or Oulu if I go to Finland. Maybe if I went to Rovaniemi, I could also go to Lapland and meet the Sami and see reindeer! :-)

Kyllä joten minä en ole tehnyt tällä viikolla todella paljon. Minä olen tehnyt työn, joka on yhdistetty minun kuvitteelliseen kieleeni ja vähän myös Suomasin ollessa myös. Ehkä minä työskentelen paremmin Heprelainen kielen tai kemian joukossa? Minulla on kokeita pian mutta ei voi keskittyä. Minä myös olen varma, että Suomi tulee loogiseksi pian. Minä en usko viittätoista substantiivitapausta, vaikea. Minä arvelen, että sana harmonia on kova työ. Myös on kovaa, että sanat näyttävät kaikelta samanlaiselta. Jotkut niistä ovat erilaisia vain pitkän vokaalin kanssa lyhyttä vokaalia vastaan. Suomalainen ääntäminen on helppoa minulle, ja minä arvelen, että suomi on kaunis kieli. Toivottavasti minä en aiheuta suomalaista kieltä kuolla täällä. 

Ok, so I'm feeling quite sad today. My grandma finally moved out of her house. My family is pretty close, and by pretty close, I mean real close. We're more like an Indian family in that respect. So, when a relative moves out of a house my cousins and I all grew up in, where we spent all our sundays having tea parties, and where every family get-together, christmas, birthday and meal were held, it's quite emotional. My grandma was crying before, to leave a house that she had built up from a shell, to a house that could quite possibly be featured in a housing magazine, made something like £280,000 profit on it, (I'm not surprised that she did) - the crying is understandable.

The house that she is moving into, quite frankly, is a lovely house, but its awful at the sametime. As in, there is so much potential for nice things to be done with it. But it was the house an old man lived and died in, which isn't as morbid as it sounds. Somebody has to move into such a house. It is full of the smell of old man, everything is really dull brown except for the bathroom which is luminous turquoise plastic. My grandma nearly had a heart-attack when she first saw it, and she says it makes her feel ill to look at. There are no carpets, but there obviously was 'cos all the pins and everything are still present.

I spent today helping her load everything up onto a van and move into storage. It's a good job I'm going back to Nottingham tomorrow, because my grandma and her husband are moving into my room temporarily while they do all the Modernisation works on the house, which means I'm sleeping on the couch tonight. I can't wait 'til I come back from uni in the summer and her house is finished. It will be such a wierd feeling having summer parties and my birthday, and my grandma's birthday (20th and 6th September respectively) and Christmas all in a new house. But it will be lovely. The house is so much smaller than the house they moved out of, because they want to use the profit from it to buy their new house outright, so they are only paying the mortgage for their house in France, rather than on an English house aswell. Oh well, it will take some adjusting to, but I'm sure there will be many, many new memories to be had in this new house. Maybe even new cousins...